Voldemort's Favorite Captive
by astridfire
Summary: Why was Florean Fortescue really captured by the Death Eaters? A funny ficlet that has no real point.


Voldemort's Favorite Captive

Summary: Why was Florean Fortescue really captured by the Death Eaters? A funny ficlet that has no real point.

A/N: This is a silly little fic that my brain came up with. It was too good not to write. I own nothing. Least of all Harry Potter.

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Florean Fortescue was terrified. He'd been attacked at his ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley. Death Eaters had destroyed his beloved shop. Ice cream, maraschino cherries, and whipped cream had been splattered over the walls, counters, and tables. Tables and chairs had been broken. Glass had shattered everywhere. The windows with their cheerful paintings of sundaes and shakes had been blasted inwards. Florean had wanted to cry.

But that was nothing to how he felt now. They had taken him to Merlin only knows where. They were going to kill him. Torture him for information that he did not have. Put him under the Imperius and make him do terrible things. At the moment his hands were bound and there was a dark hood over his face. He could hear Death Eaters all around him, their voices excited. Florean moaned. "Please let them kill me quickly… please…" he thought desperately.

A hush fell over the Death Eaters, and Florean felt his heart begin to pound. Was it Him?

"Ah, he is here. Finally." The voice was cold and high. Much too high for a normal man. It was Him. Florean trembled.

"Well, what are you waiting for Wormtail?" The voice said harshly, "Unmask him."

Florean's hood was whipped from his head and he could see the room clearly for the first time. Surprisingly it was well lit and smelled clean. He had expected the Death Eaters to do all their evil doings in dark, dank places. He looked around himself warily. It was… no… his eyes must be playing tricks. It was an ice cream parlor. There was no mistaking the high windows with cherries and sundaes etched into them, nor the black and white tiled floor. The walls were covered in cheerful red and white stripes. There were clusters of tables with wrought iron chairs. Florean was sure if he turned around there would be a high counter with a mirror behind it, the name of the shop etched into the glass. He blinked several times, expecting the whole place to disappear, but it didn't.

"Florean, my dear man," The Dark Lord said silkily, "I'm so glad you could join us."

Florean looked up into the face of his captor and whimpered. He'd heard rumors of what the Dark Lord looked like these days, but nothing could have prepared him for the flat snake like face, and the gleaming red eyes. There was nothing human there.

"I—I—I don't know anything," Florean stammered, desperate to just get it over with, whatever it may be.

Voldemort's lips curled, "Oh, but I think you do." Monsters shouldn't smile, Florean thought. It was terrifying. "Unbind him Wormtail, and help him up."

The ropes binding his hands vanished, and the man called Wormtail hauled Florean to his feet. His knees were shaking. He felt ready to pass out.

Voldemort had strolled past Florean and walked behind the counter that Florean had known instinctively was there. His long white hand picked up an ice cream scooper. "Do you know how to use this Mr. Fortescue?"

Florean nodded, sure that something very, very evil was about to happen.

"Excellent," Voldemort hissed, and added in a louder voice, "I'd like for you to make me a Super Chocolate Chunk sundae, with fudge, slathered in whipped cream, and three cherries on top."

Florean's mouth fell open, "I'm sorry?"

"My dear man, you didn't think we were going to torture you?" Voldemort laughed, and Florean winced. It was like nails on a chalkboard. "No, no, no. You see, you make the best ice cream in the whole wizarding world. And there is nothing better than having a Super Chocolate Chunk sundae after a long hard day of evil doing. Isn't that right?" He looked sharply at his Death Eaters who quickly murmured their agreement.

"I—you just want me to make you ice cream?" Florean asked tentatively.

"Yes. Why? Can you make something else that is tasty and delicious?"

"Well, yes, but…" he hoped he wasn't pressing his luck, asking questions, but for goodness sakes, they were Death Eaters! Evil doers don't enjoy ice cream! "Don't you have house elves to—"

Voldemort waved a hand at him impatiently, "House elves do not understand the delicacy of a frozen treat. And they don't have your secret ice cream recipes." Voldemort once again smiled.

Florean realized then that the Dark Lord had definitely gone off the deep end.

"Super Chocolate Chunk sundae, coming right up," Florean said, knowing that he had better jump at this chance before the Dark Lord became annoyed with him.

Voldemort smiled widely, and pressed the ice cream scoop into Florean's hand.

Florean prepared the Dark Lord's sundae, careful to get the order right the first time, and proceeded to make shakes, sundaes, and malts for the rest of the assembled Death Eaters. It was beyond disturbing to watch Bellatrix Lestrange share a milkshake with Peter Pettigrew, and even more unsettling was Lord Voldemort himself displaying his snake tongue's ability to tie three cherry stems into knots.

One by one the Death Eaters bid him a goodnight, and a promise to be back for more ice cream tomorrow. Florean flinched at every word, sure that _someone_ would curse him soon. Eventually, only the Dark Lord was left.

Florean trembled as he glided over to the counter, setting his empty dish down with a soft clink.

"You've done well today Mr. Fortescue. Let's make sure that continues." There was a promise of pain in those red eyes.

"Yes, sir."

Voldemort walked to the door, holding it open and calling back, "I think I'll want a Chocolate Frog shake tomorrow, Fortescue. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Of course, sir."

And so, this was how Florean Fortescue spent the entirety of the second war. On the day that Harry Potter and a fleet of Auror's stormed the Dark Lord's compound, he celebrated by making the Boy Who Lived a pumpkin parfait.

Harry grinned, took a bite, and then said, "You know, I really do like your Super Chocolate Chunk. Do you have any of that?"

A look of horror crossed the ice cream maker's face, and for the first time in his life, Florean fainted.


End file.
